{"id":1578,"date":"2018-12-02T17:54:20","date_gmt":"2018-12-02T17:54:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bloomsoup.com\/?p=1578"},"modified":"2021-09-19T16:57:10","modified_gmt":"2021-09-19T16:57:10","slug":"how-to-deal-with-loneliness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bloomsoup.com\/how-to-deal-with-loneliness\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal With Loneliness: A Simple Guide"},"content":{"rendered":"

Do you have close friends and loved ones and yet still not know how to deal with loneliness?<\/p>\n

The aching, gnawing feeling, that despite the close proximity of other humans, you don\u2019t have the emotional connection you need\u2026<\/p>\n

We\u2019re a social species after all. From an evolutionary perspective, we\u2019ve come to rely on each other, not just for physical backup, but for psychological support too.<\/p>\n

In such a hyperconnected world, it\u2019s curious that in many ways we\u2019ve grown more distant, to the point that social isolation has become a significant issue.<\/p>\n

And even though loneliness may be invisible for its sufferers, its effects are serious. Research shows that the condition can be as detrimental to health as obesity and cigarette smoking<\/a>.<\/p>\n

In this article, we\u2019ll look at how to deal with the symptoms by getting back to basics. But first, what does loneliness mean to you?<\/p>\n

What Is Loneliness?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

You can\u2019t address something until you know what it is. So, according to our chums at Wikipedia<\/a>,<\/p>\n

\u201cLoneliness is a complex and unusually unpleasant emotional response to isolation.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Call me captain obvious, but it helps to clarify. Definitions done, let’s see how we can combat the symptoms.<\/p>\n

How to Deal With Loneliness<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Recognise Loneliness as a Feeling<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Loneliness is a feeling, not an objective fact.<\/p>\n

Much of the time we attribute our emotional states to the absolute truth. Instead, we have to remember that we\u2019re not our thoughts.<\/p>\n

When we’re caught in the throes of our mind’s dastardly negativity vortex and struggle to escape, it can be hard to remember.<\/p>\n

Whatever your current situation, it\u2019s your perspective that determines your response and ultimate mental wellbeing.<\/p>\n

Change your thoughts about a situation and you change your reality.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ll talk more about a powerful technique to do this shortly.<\/p>\n

Analyse Your Emotional Triggers<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Are there particular times you feel prone to loneliness?<\/p>\n

As with any other emotion, there may be certain triggers which elicit these feelings.<\/p>\n

Is it when you\u2019re at home, alone, or perhaps when you\u2019ve had an argument with a loved one?<\/p>\n

Perhaps you wonder why you feel lonely even if you’re in a relationship…<\/p>\n

Figuring out why you feel lonely is an essential first step\u00a0in\u00a0identifying a solution.<\/p>\n

Only when you’ve diagnosed the issue can you treat the condition.<\/p>\n

Begin Meditating<\/strong><\/h3>\n

I\u2019ve surely banged on about meditation enough in my digital ramblings to make you realise it’s pretty amazing.<\/p>\n

Meditation allows you to gain clarify your thoughts, and see them for what they are; a mere illusion.<\/p>\n

It allows us to take a detached look at what\u2019s going on inside our crazy little skulls from moment to moment when we\u2019re not subjecting ourselves to every scrap of distraction going.<\/p>\n

Becoming the observer of our thoughts helps us put our loneliness into context and gives us the space to put practical strategies in place for addressing any feelings of social isolation.<\/p>\n

Reframe the Situation<\/strong><\/h3>\n

This really is a superpower when used correctly and the difference between strong emotional health or becoming a slave to your thoughts.<\/p>\n

Reframing is a common technique used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy<\/a> and like meditation, it teaches you that to your thoughts are not the absolute truth.<\/p>\n

You might feel lonely now, but how can you reframe those feelings in a positive light?<\/p>\n

When I\u2019m struggling psychologically, I\u2019ll often emphasise how good it’ll feel to embrace the feelings as a challenge and how I\u2019ll grow as a result.<\/p>\n

This not only builds mental resilience but also give me added motivation to find actionable strategies moving forward.<\/p>\n

Realise That You’re in Control<\/strong><\/h3>\n

The ancient stoic philosophers<\/a> taught us of the importance of focusing on what\u2019s in a control and disregarding the rest.<\/p>\n

This can be an empowering mental stance.<\/p>\n

If you’ve analysed your\u00a0emotional triggers, you should have some idea of what’s causing your feelings and whether those stimuli are within your control.<\/p>\n

Are you feeling lonely because your relationship has ended or you’ve lost a loved one for example? Can you do anything about it, or is it time to move on?<\/p>\n

Often we’re so busy obsessing over the past or future events that we don’t stop to think that we may have little influence on proceedings.<\/p>\n

Bringing things back within your locus of control means you focus on what you can do right now, in the present moment, to improve your situation.<\/p>\n

That may be a simple as calling a friend or even sending a message to a loved one.<\/p>\n

Talk to Someone You Trust<\/strong><\/h3>\n

It\u2019s often tough to go beyond stock responses when people ask how we are. But if you reply honestly, a closer connection can emerge.<\/p>\n

As the recipient of an honest response on a few occasions, it\u2019s actually quite liberating to hear,<\/p>\n

“No actually, I\u2019m not doing ok.”\u00a0Said no-one, ever.<\/span><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

We\u2019re wired, after all, to be there for our brethren. And when someone you know is suffering, your immediate response is to help, even if it\u2019s just by listening.<\/p>\n

So the next time you\u2019re with a\u00a0confidante, try opening up a bit. I hate to use this hackneyed self-help word, but be a bit more vulnerable and see where it takes you.<\/p>\n

Help Others<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Since we\u2019ve been taught that we\u2019re all unique little snowflakes, it\u2019s easy to become self-absorbed.<\/p>\n

The fact is, with the utopian technological development that\u2019s put a tablet in the hands of every child, our community has grown weaker.<\/p>\n

Our basic needs on Maslow’s hierarchy have been met, so we begin to focus inwards, on how to make our lives even more peaches and cream.<\/p>\n

But while it\u2019s always good to grow, this new found focus on the “cult of me” can teeter dangerously on the precipice of narcissism.<\/p>\n

Want to know how to deal with loneliness?<\/p>\n

Get out of your own head and focus on helping those around you. Volunteering is great.<\/p>\n

Human connection and lifting others up helps releases a nice little dose of oxytocin, a feel-good chemical that\u2019s ideal for enhancing empathy and communication<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Find Meetups<\/strong><\/h3>\n

There are numerous benefits of getting on meet-up<\/a> to check out salsa classes or heading down for some spoon carving.<\/p>\n

It breaks you out of a daily routine which could potentially be exacerbating your feelings of social isolation. That change of scenery can really breathe fresh life into your day.<\/p>\n

By meeting new people in the context of trying something new, it also takes the pressure away from getting a conversation going.<\/p>\n

For example, I\u2019ve been on \u201ccoffee meet-ups” before where the sole purpose is getting to know new people. This makes it super awkward to actually get to know anyone new as there\u2019s too much pressure on it.<\/p>\n

Meetups also maximise the chances that the people you meet are potential friends. After all, if they\u2019ve been drawn to the same hobby that you find interesting, perhaps you’ll have other common interests.<\/p>\n

Explore Online<\/strong><\/h3>\n

\"ManOkay, so ideally we want\u00a0real\u00a0human connection by getting out into the community for some good old fashioned interaction.<\/p>\n

But what if you live somewhere that makes it difficult to be yourself? Or if your mobility is restricted through disability, for example?<\/p>\n

Well, we should make use of online tools wherever possible. One good thing about our digital age is that we can source communities that resonate with us.<\/p>\n

See yourself as a passionate giant courgette grower? I\u2019m sure there\u2019s a forum for that with likeminded folks somewhere.<\/p>\n

Try to develop a sense of belonging wherever you can and then take those interactions offline wherever possible.<\/p>\n

Change Your Scenery<\/strong><\/h3>\n

You feel\u00a0lonely and hide away behind closed doors. Loneliness can be a negative spiral. The more you shy away from human contact, the harder it becomes to integrate into social situations.<\/p>\n

When you do finally interact, you feel awkward, confirming your pre-existing beliefs that you’re better off alone. Socialising is like a muscle – if you don’t use it, you lose it.<\/p>\n

That’s why it’s imperative to keep getting out there and into social encounters, however intimidating they may feel at the time.<\/p>\n

Whereas the natural impulse for the lonely among us is on of reclusion, we must battle this urge and take comfort in the healing force of our fellow humans.<\/p>\n

Start Journaling<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Journaling might be just the type of outlet you need for your feelings.<\/p>\n

If you feel like you have no one to talk to, a journal can provide the feeling of meaningful dialogue and be a good space for non-judgmental\u00a0self-reflection.<\/p>\n

Through personal experience, I\u2019ve also found that journaling helps create new ideas and connections. Solutions, which had seemed evasive prior to writing, became obvious after journaling from a detached viewpoint.<\/p>\n

This exercise isn\u2019t just good for combatting loneliness. You might also find it unblocks other areas of your life.<\/p>\n

Exercise<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Perhaps your loneliness stems from a lack of confidence in engaging with those around you.<\/p>\n

Simple getting a sweat on can provide a sense of\u00a0accomplishment\u00a0and encourage you to interact with others, especially when performed in a group context.<\/p>\n

Exercise is a cornerstone habit that not only helps with general health and well-being but also cross-pollinates other areas of our lives from a psychological perspective.<\/p>\n

Joining a class at your local gym, trying a running club or taking up an activity like cycling can be a useful antidote to feelings of loneliness.<\/p>\n

Be Curious<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Do you remember what\u00a0it\u00a0was like to be childlike<\/a>? To look up at the stars with awe, or simply down at a worm, mesmerised?<\/p>\n

There\u2019s still some of that child within us all, whatever our age. We just need to reawaken the feeling.<\/p>\n

As Steve Jobs<\/span> said in his famous interview,<\/p>\n

“The minute that you understand that you can poke life and actually something will, you know if you push in, something will pop out the other side, that you can change it, you can mold it. That\u2019s maybe the most important thing. It\u2019s to shake off this erroneous notion that life is there and you\u2019re just gonna live in it, versus embrace it, change it, improve it, make your mark upon it.”<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n