What does the word “meditation” mean to you?
Perhaps you imagine loincloth-clad hippies, contorting themselves into lotus positions under waterfalls.
And in times past, you wouldn’t be far wrong.
This merry band of meditators viewed life through psychedelic sunglasses, possibly an incompatible outlook for the sceptics among us.
Well, after much scientific tinkering and prodding, meditation is now reaching the masses.
Let’s see why.
Meditation and Science
Apparently, meditation makes your brain grow.
In fact, it’s so good for you that the benefits of meditation have been proven by men with bunsen burners. Yes, real scientists.
Evidence now supports the practice adopted thousands of years ago by our wise old ancestors. The best part?
Meditation is easy to start. The only downside (if you could call it that) is that it’s rather addictive…
12 reasons why meditation is beneficial
12. It will make you wiser than the Dalai Lama
Do you want to know the meaning of life, the universe and everything?
Meditation may just provide the answer, making you a clever little sausage.
Delving into your brain may reveal that actually, you’re trapped in a futuristic matrix with robots syphoning your life force as you’re kept alive in an artificial biopod.
The thing is, you’ll never know unless you start exploring the dark corners of your freaky little mind.
11. It gets your creative juices flowing
There’s nothing better than a little out of the box, left-field, off-the-wall thinking.
When you can’t even figure out how to open a milk carton without spilling it all over your trousers, meditation allows you to adapt to the problem magnificently.
You might even design a new milk carton, that humans with opposable thumbs can open.
Or maybe use just solve some of the world’s more pressing issues, like resealable cereal bags.
10. It turns you into a chilled-out entertainer
Picture the scene. You’re photocopying at work and there’s a jam.
You squeeze angrily on your stress ball until your hand contorts into spasm.
But instead of fulfilling the lifelong urge to throw the offender out of the window, you take a few moments to meditate on the hilarity of the situation before cracking a splendid joke to your work colleagues, who all think you’re a complete legend.
9. It helps to overcome depression
Ever wanted to curl into a ball on the street and just cry?
When life becomes too much, the mere sound of a baby on a plane can send you from seething anger to downright despair.
Maybe you have real reasons for being depressed; like job difficulties or relationship issues.
Depression is a condition that can affect us all at some point. Meditation, my friend, is one of the best antidotes.
8. It makes you more productive than Bradley Cooper in Limitless
Ever wonder how some people just manage to get things done?
They’re up at the crack of dawn being annoyingly productive while you’re still in your pyjamas, eating Monster Munch and watching Netflix.
Meanwhile, you dream of creating the startup that would allow you to grow a beard and hang out in artisan coffee shops, if only you could tear yourself away from the latest boxset.
Luckily, with a bit of meditating, you too could be another Macbook-wielding millennial.
7. It turns your sex on fire
If the benefits of meditation aren’t clear enough, it has the added bonus of providing better sexual experiences.
Forget pornos; you’ll be the star of the show, with no equipment or special effects required.
Women will want to know your secret. Men will be perturbed by your prowess. All thanks to a little mind play.
6. It helps you make decisions like a boss
Do you struggle to make choices?
Perhaps you scrutinise a restaurant menu for hours before ordering, paralysed by indecision (which inevitably results in food envy).
The amount of brainpower we sometimes burn on trivial decisions is ludicrous.
Luckily meditation can help us make decisions like a boss. WARNING: Poor food choices may still result.
5. It gives you the memory of an elephant
Always forget your mother’s birthday? Shame on you.
Luckily, with a daily dose of meditation, you’ll never forget her special day again.
So now you can forego the brain games and simply sit in a room by yourself, before memorising all the presidents in chronological order, just because you can.
4. It diffuses your anger, Mr. Miyagi style
Whereas previously, someone pushing in the supermarket queue would have made you foam at the mouth and twitch dangerously, a little meditation will make you completely zen about the whole situation.
Anger will wash over you as you simply wax on wax off.
3. It lets you withstand pain like a Shaolin monk
With a little mindfulness, you too can balance on spears to impress your friends.
Even better though, you get another superpower…the ability to fight disease.
Ok, it’s no X-ray vision, but it’s infinitely more practical.
2. It gives you more energy than a trapped cat
Are you so tired from work that the thought of socialising in the evening is slightly nauseating?
If so, you need an energy boost, and not from the sugary nectar that comes in a can and dissolves your vital organs.
Meditation reduces the need for sleep and with practice, may transform you into a dance floor dominator or even early morning jogger.
1. It allows you to move things with your mind
With enough practice, you may be able to bend spoons with your mind, like that strange little child in the Matrix.
Remember: “Do not try and bend the spoon, that’s impossible. Instead, only try to realise the truth…there is no spoon.
Then you will see it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.”
Go forth and meditate
If that humble list hasn’t convinced you why meditation is beneficial, I don’t know what will.
But now I’m gonna throw you a truth potato.
If everyone did get their meditation caps on, the world would be a far better place.
There, I said it.
So go forth, meditate mucho and spread the good word.
